I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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