You're my little dorito
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
