There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
