ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
