Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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