Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
