I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
as a side note pls kill me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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