Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
