My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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