maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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