I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I pour the whiskey from now on
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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