Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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