Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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