I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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