your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
