I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
