the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
