i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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