im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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