The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
