so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
