we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
