please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
