I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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