His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
two words: eviction party
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
