i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Mom said you looked used
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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