New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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