Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
