It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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