it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
