She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
