Your dad touched me again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he fucked my hip out of place.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
