Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
