Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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