Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
