high people should be assigned attendants
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
