why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
