he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
