I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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