remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
whose ass print is on the piano?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
