DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
