how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
