addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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