the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
