Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
