She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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