In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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