she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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