i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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