I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
