and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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