whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
