OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
