Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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